Yesterday was hard....

Yesterday sucked!!! I can't really explain or describe it. I woke up in an okay mood. It should have been a really good day. Yesterday was the 17th which means that Keith and I have been officially together for 4 months. ( when we decided that we were going to be together exclusively and not date anyone else). It seems like a lot longer, but yea...4 months. Okay, so that should have made for a good day right???? WRONG!! Read on....

I ask my boss for a meeting to talk to her about the company. We were told about 3 weeks ago that the company was closing, but that a few of us were staying a couple weeks longer to help out. I started looking for a job, going on interviews, etc... Long story short, I found out the company ISN'T closing and that if I find a new job and quit I wont get my severence. They haven't given me a last day and ugh...the whole thing is really jacked up!! So I am stressed about finding a new job and my boss and I are not getting along. She said she would be concerned about keeping me because of the days that I miss. I looked at her and said, "I have kids, and they get sick." I told her not to punish me because I have kids and have to take off for their stuff, and my own personal medical things. I walked out of there in tears and didn't talk to her the rest of the day.

On days like yesterday I miss my Dad sooooooo much. Yesterday all I wanted was to sit on the deck with him, have a beer and talk to him....but I can't do that. Things are supposed to get easier, but right now they are pretty hard. Sunday is Easter. This is the first Easter without my dad and I do not have the kids.( well they come back Sunday night so if I need to do an inside easter egg hunt then so be it !!!! ) This is the first easter where we are not having a family barbeque and egg hunt. I am not sure what is happening to my family. The dynamics have changed and I have a feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. I don't forsee anymore deck parties with roll-ups being made, adult easter egg hunts, fourth of july blowouts, kids swinging on the tire swing, and family laughter. That hurts so much to think about that. Things are different now. They are different with me, my mom, my sisters...everything. I used to turn to them when things in life were hard, but I can't anymore. I still love them to death, but I know that things aren't the same so it makes me turn away.

As for dealing with this...well poor Keith gets the brunt of it. Last night when he saw me he took one look and knew that something was wrong. I just told him I had a bad day. ( he already knew about the stuff with work and everything ) Then as we were going to sleep I just broke down crying that I missed my Dad, the family get togethers, everything... As he wiped my tears he told me that even though things aren't the same, that my family and I will find a way to make new traditions and to come together again, and that right now we were all still trying to heal. He said that we would make our own traditions as well. I don't know if I could love him anymore. I am so thankful and grateful that he is the person that he is. As I fell asleep last night he just kept telling me that everything was going to be okay and that today would be easier. I hope he is right.

So...yesterday was hard. It was hard in ALL aspects. Today should be better. Yes, work is still going to suck, but I can deal with it. I got Keith tickets to the Rockets vs. Celtics game for his b-day. When I got them I didn't realize that the Rockets would be on a 22 winning game streak. We have 7th row seats in the risers behind the basket. Yep, it should be an amazing game tonight. I think I am going to be able to land 2 more tickets and if that is the case then Keith's parents get to come with us. I need a night to throw back a few beers, laugh, and see my H-Town boys beat Boston. I am hoping to take pictures. If that is the case then I will post them on here. Mcgrady and Alston better give Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett a run for their money tonight !! ( yes I actually know some of the players names now...thanks to a certain person..ha ha) So, even though yesterday was hard, it was just a day and hopefully today will be better.