A year ago....

A year ago my Dad had a heart attack. I watched it. My children watched it. The doctors were able to restart his heart but my DAD never returned to us.. in reality, a year ago I lost my father. I kept busy today. I went and looked at another house, I edited some pictures for a friend, and I packed up my apartment with my mom. A year ago my dad had a heart attack...and I miss him. I have dreaded this day for the past 364 days. I knew it would come, and I know it will go. Tonight as I got out of the shower I sat down on my bed and I allowed myself to remember the last few moments I had with him. He was talking to Ryan about the new Boston Red Sox hat that he had just got the night before. Reagan was so excited to see Pepa ( the kids had been with me at Keith's that Saturday night ) so she was trying to get every word in that she could. I won't go into the rest of my memories from that day... they aren't fun ones, or good ones really. I don't let myself think about that day, but tonight... I guess I just had to. A year ago my dad had a heart attack. I lost one of my best friends. I lost the man who could steer me in the right direction and always keep me on the path of life. Without him this year I have gotten so lost..and for him, for me, for my kids, I am fighting as hard as I can to find my way back. I cry for him tonight, and I shed tears from deep in my heart... a heart of girl who misses her daddy. I cry for my mom, who misses him more and more every day. I cry for my children, who I hope never forget his amazing memory. I cry for myself, who is in reality still his baby girl.

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold

A year ago my dad had a heart attack. He may be gone, but I will forever be his baby girl.