happy...

I love waking up happy..well, actually my first thought after waking up was "shit I am late!!" but my next thought was happiness.

I have been trying to sort out all of the sorted details in my life and I have finally realized that things will work themselves out. Why stress about it? Nothing is going to fix itself today. Okay, so back to the happy thing, as I wake up this morning I was already in a good mood. I got up, turned on the shower and then heard this little voice "Mommy??". It was miss chica. She starts talking ( hey, her eyes were open which means if she is awake and you are awake then you are legally obligated to listen to her ramblings ) So she starts telling me how she heard the shower go on and how she thought, "that's my mommy, I want to go tell her good morning". ( you see I usually leave before they are awake..yea that's how late I was running!) So anyway, I turned on the t.v. in my room, got her all snuggled into my bed and got ready. She was chit chatting with me as I got ready and was laughing and giggling with me. I didn't care that I was late at that point. I mean, wouldn't you feel lucky if you got to have a silly 4 yr old conversation at 7 in the morning? Then as I was leaving, Ry pops out of my moms room ( you NEVER know where you will find those kids sleeping these days ). He comes up to me and gives me a big hug. I bend down, give him a huge hug and kiss and whisper in his ear..." cartoons are on in my room...you have some time to watch them before you have to get ready for school" He does the "YES!" thing that little kids do and runs off.

Yea, I was an hour late to work, but who cares??? I started my morning off right! As I started my hour long trek to work I started thinking about all the great things in my life.

1. My kids...love love love love ( can't say it enough!! ) them, and they are lucky enough to have boocoos ( no clue how to spell that word! ) of people who love them ! They are the ultimate reason as to why I try to become a better person everyday. They why I can't be hung up on my past and mistakes I have made. They are the ones who tell me they love me everyday and who are my world day in and day out. They are the ones who matter!

2. My family, I mean, a mom and two sisters who I could go to for anything, plus a whole boat load of nieces ( okay, one niece) and nephews who are growing up and turning into really cool kids and adults. I could go on and on, but anyone who has a great supportive family knows what I am talking about. I love them all...bottom line.

3. Keith who can keep me calm when I am upset, mad, or just worried. The one who holds me all night long and has shown me passion, love, friendship, and so much more. Everything that I have never been able to feel...he has opened my eyes up to. As much as this relationship was black-balled and "doomed" so to speak, it has turned out to be an amazing thing for both of us. I was once told by someone, "go talk to Keith, he is your best friend now!" Ha, actually.. he knows more about me than anyone ever has... funny how life works. We always tell eachother, that love is nothing without being best friends. ( that and the boy can crack my shit up...always a plus! )

4.Friends..that could be a loaded one, but I am talking about my friends who accept me for who I am on a daily basis. Ones that I have been able to call up and say, "I fucked up" and they say, "shame on you, but I am your friend.." Teresa, wow, if ANYONE has taught me anything about friendship, it has been her! I had to call her one day and tell her about something horrible. She actually ended the conversation by saying, "you know I love you, and I am here for you". Talk about a stand-up person. She has never said a bad word about anyone who I don't care for. She doesn't pick sides and she offers some of the best advice ever...even if I don't take it! Lacie has come back into my life over the past 6-7 months and she is the one who has shown me that no matter who I hurt, who hurts me, that I can still ask for forgiveness and have faith, oh and that we aren't all perfect. Lacie has me and the kids over for sleepovers and her and I have some of our best conversations over bottles of Dos Equis and wine. Wow, another friend with a true heart. Again, she is one that knows my past and I have had to tell her about not so great things, and again she ends the conversation in "you know I luv ya!". There are some more who I could go on and on about, but all I know is that I love all my friends.

5. My job, which even though I bitch about, is like another family to me. My fellow employees drove over an hour to show their support at my dad's service and called every day to check on me.

I guess the one thing that doens't really have a # is my faith...I mean, I don't go to church on a regular basis, I tend to make mistakes over and over again, yet I know I haven't been forgotten. It is hard to believe at times as I have questioned Him over and over again. I have wondered how much more I could have on my shoulders, yet every morning I wake up and keep walking on, so I guess he has faith that I can get through this.

I have had to deal with divorce, death, loss ( not talking about death on this one ), trying to be a single mom, opening myself up to another person ( which I swore I would NEVER do again) and so much more. I am not bitter about having to deal with this anymore. I mean why? All the important things in my life ( listed above ) is what gets me through everything...I think that is the most important thing for me to remember.

So, today I am happy. I am content. I am not sad, bitter, angry, worried, or upset today. Today is a day I will smile.