Sleep and a few other random things...

I used to be a horrible sleeper, well I guess I still am sometimes. It got so bad at one point that no matter how exhausted I was, I had to take a sleeping pill to sleep. I am trying to figure out when all that changed. Before, it was like I was afraid to sleep. I was afraid I would miss something. Keith was there, and he was always steadily breathing beside me. I could hear his breaths slow down and accelerate as he dreamed. I didn't want to sleep, I would miss time, precious time with him. Now that he is gone, I escape to sleep. I yearn to close my eyes and drift off to where I can dream of being happy, with him beside me again. When I dream now, it isn't off and on. I sleep for hours upon hours, never waking from him. When the morning comes I close my eyes tight trying to get back to him, knowing that it isn't going to happen. So, I get up and start my day. I go through the motions, and yes, I laugh, I smile, ( I do have my friends, family, and children who fill my days with support and love )I love, and I live my life. At the end of the day when all those things are silent and as I lay down on my pillow ( the one that used to smell of him, but has lost his scent over the weeks) all I wish is for sleep to overtake me yet again.

I know everyone is probably sick and tired of reading about this...hell, try living it. So, I am going to add a few little snippets about other things in life.
First off, I can't believe it is October. That brings on the dreaded halloween costume shopping nightmare. I am not sure what to do this year. Last year halloween fell on a night that Chris had the kids..well, the same thing applies this year. I HATE missing Halloween with them. Reagan wants to be an angel...am I the ONLY person that sees a problem with this? Personally I think she would make an adorable little puppy or something like that. Ryan wants to be some random Star Wars something or other ( all I have to say is that my son will NOT be a Trekee or whatever it is they call those star wars freak). We will see what they really end up being. School is going good for them. Ryan is doing well and Rae...well Rae is having talking too much issues, but did we expect any different really?

I am 99.9% positive that I am going to be moving into a house ( wink wink Lacie ) in the middle of December. The kids will love it. They will have sooo much more room, a backyard, etc. I am excited for that as well.

So, that is about it..for now, for this hour. If any other "life changes" occur I will be sure to update. It is Thursday, so at least the weekend is coming up. I NEED a weekend to sleep late and relax, but then again, don't we all ??