Yesterday was hard....

Yesterday sucked!!! I can't really explain or describe it. I woke up in an okay mood. It should have been a really good day. Yesterday was the 17th which means that Keith and I have been officially together for 4 months. ( when we decided that we were going to be together exclusively and not date anyone else). It seems like a lot longer, but yea...4 months. Okay, so that should have made for a good day right???? WRONG!! Read on....

I ask my boss for a meeting to talk to her about the company. We were told about 3 weeks ago that the company was closing, but that a few of us were staying a couple weeks longer to help out. I started looking for a job, going on interviews, etc... Long story short, I found out the company ISN'T closing and that if I find a new job and quit I wont get my severence. They haven't given me a last day and ugh...the whole thing is really jacked up!! So I am stressed about finding a new job and my boss and I are not getting along. She said she would be concerned about keeping me because of the days that I miss. I looked at her and said, "I have kids, and they get sick." I told her not to punish me because I have kids and have to take off for their stuff, and my own personal medical things. I walked out of there in tears and didn't talk to her the rest of the day.

On days like yesterday I miss my Dad sooooooo much. Yesterday all I wanted was to sit on the deck with him, have a beer and talk to him....but I can't do that. Things are supposed to get easier, but right now they are pretty hard. Sunday is Easter. This is the first Easter without my dad and I do not have the kids.( well they come back Sunday night so if I need to do an inside easter egg hunt then so be it !!!! ) This is the first easter where we are not having a family barbeque and egg hunt. I am not sure what is happening to my family. The dynamics have changed and I have a feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. I don't forsee anymore deck parties with roll-ups being made, adult easter egg hunts, fourth of july blowouts, kids swinging on the tire swing, and family laughter. That hurts so much to think about that. Things are different now. They are different with me, my mom, my sisters...everything. I used to turn to them when things in life were hard, but I can't anymore. I still love them to death, but I know that things aren't the same so it makes me turn away.

As for dealing with this...well poor Keith gets the brunt of it. Last night when he saw me he took one look and knew that something was wrong. I just told him I had a bad day. ( he already knew about the stuff with work and everything ) Then as we were going to sleep I just broke down crying that I missed my Dad, the family get togethers, everything... As he wiped my tears he told me that even though things aren't the same, that my family and I will find a way to make new traditions and to come together again, and that right now we were all still trying to heal. He said that we would make our own traditions as well. I don't know if I could love him anymore. I am so thankful and grateful that he is the person that he is. As I fell asleep last night he just kept telling me that everything was going to be okay and that today would be easier. I hope he is right.

So...yesterday was hard. It was hard in ALL aspects. Today should be better. Yes, work is still going to suck, but I can deal with it. I got Keith tickets to the Rockets vs. Celtics game for his b-day. When I got them I didn't realize that the Rockets would be on a 22 winning game streak. We have 7th row seats in the risers behind the basket. Yep, it should be an amazing game tonight. I think I am going to be able to land 2 more tickets and if that is the case then Keith's parents get to come with us. I need a night to throw back a few beers, laugh, and see my H-Town boys beat Boston. I am hoping to take pictures. If that is the case then I will post them on here. Mcgrady and Alston better give Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett a run for their money tonight !! ( yes I actually know some of the players names now...thanks to a certain person..ha ha) So, even though yesterday was hard, it was just a day and hopefully today will be better.

Bored as hell...

I am at work, on my lunch hour and bored as I can be. I should be productive and working and today I am not. Oh, nothing is wrong, in fact everything is pretty darn good today, except the face that I don't want to be here at work.

After work I am going to get my hair rehighlighted and my nails refilled. I am not even looking forward to this, probably because I am so tired. I think I toss and turn 5 nights out of the week. I am the worst sleeper I know. I am looking forward to sitting on the couch and going to bed early tonight.

It is going to be a looonnnnggg weekend. It is Keith's 30th b-day, and we know you only turn 30 once! He decided to head up to Dallas a day before me. So, tonight is boy's night. I have NO clue where they will go and what they will do. Ha ha...I probably don't want to know. I think I will take one of my Advil PM's, crash early and not think about it! No really, he will have a blast. Saturday is his real birthday. We will be celebrating Friday and Saturday night. ( I personally can't wait to give him his present !!! He will be soooo excited! ) I am sure that means sleeping for a good part of Saturday and Sunday. ( well until we have to come home ). Ohh... another good thing..Keith got a job here in Houston this week!! Yay!! We are so excited. It is an awesome job with a BIG company and could potentially open a lot of doors for him. This job just kind of fell at our feet right as Keith moved down here. He persued it, and I am just so proud of him for landing it!

Okay, so an update on the munchkins....
Ry is playing baseball again. Well, hopefully he will get playing time. Getting him to practice has been a nightmare lately. Anyway, it is just for fun this season and we will get him back into being more competitive next season. He is doing great in school grade wise. ( All A's so far this year ). Behavior..well that is touch and go. He is just so emotional and so much like me that we tend to butt heads. I love the child to death but when everything I say is followed by him saying, "no it isn't"..ugh, it can wear a person out!! Oh, he has also started collecting baseball hats. He has about 15-20 of them now. His wall is starting to fill up! His favorite teams are the Astros ( of course ), Boston Red Sox , Yankees( yes I realize that is a conflict of interest, but he doesn't ), and..well I think that is about it for favorites. Rae is loving her mother's day out. She cracks me up cause she DOES NOT SHUT UP! Seriously, the girl talks from the time she wakes up til the time she goes to bed. However, she doesn't talk like a normal 5 yr old ( oh yea can you believe Ry and Rae are about to be 7 and 5??? WTH??? ). Rae was telling Keith the other day ( in her most serious Rae voice ) all about Life Alert and how it works. Keith was like, " Rae just explained everything I ever needed to know about Life Alert to me " ( if you don't know what it is, then it is the necklace that can be worn by mainly the elderly so that if they fall or whatever they press a button and life alert sends help ). I am sure she learned about this on the t.v., but she is very concerned in telling people how "life alert is for Nana's so they can get help if they are hurt". Seriously, those kids keep me on my toes. My mom has been the biggest blessing in helping me and doing sooooo much for them these past 4-5 months. The kids and I are going to miss having her around every day once we move.

So, that is the update on life I guess. I am happy and things are going good. I am still bored as can be at work and still have 3 hrs til it is time to go...guess I better find something to do huh?

happy...

I love waking up happy..well, actually my first thought after waking up was "shit I am late!!" but my next thought was happiness.

I have been trying to sort out all of the sorted details in my life and I have finally realized that things will work themselves out. Why stress about it? Nothing is going to fix itself today. Okay, so back to the happy thing, as I wake up this morning I was already in a good mood. I got up, turned on the shower and then heard this little voice "Mommy??". It was miss chica. She starts talking ( hey, her eyes were open which means if she is awake and you are awake then you are legally obligated to listen to her ramblings ) So she starts telling me how she heard the shower go on and how she thought, "that's my mommy, I want to go tell her good morning". ( you see I usually leave before they are awake..yea that's how late I was running!) So anyway, I turned on the t.v. in my room, got her all snuggled into my bed and got ready. She was chit chatting with me as I got ready and was laughing and giggling with me. I didn't care that I was late at that point. I mean, wouldn't you feel lucky if you got to have a silly 4 yr old conversation at 7 in the morning? Then as I was leaving, Ry pops out of my moms room ( you NEVER know where you will find those kids sleeping these days ). He comes up to me and gives me a big hug. I bend down, give him a huge hug and kiss and whisper in his ear..." cartoons are on in my room...you have some time to watch them before you have to get ready for school" He does the "YES!" thing that little kids do and runs off.

Yea, I was an hour late to work, but who cares??? I started my morning off right! As I started my hour long trek to work I started thinking about all the great things in my life.

1. My kids...love love love love ( can't say it enough!! ) them, and they are lucky enough to have boocoos ( no clue how to spell that word! ) of people who love them ! They are the ultimate reason as to why I try to become a better person everyday. They why I can't be hung up on my past and mistakes I have made. They are the ones who tell me they love me everyday and who are my world day in and day out. They are the ones who matter!

2. My family, I mean, a mom and two sisters who I could go to for anything, plus a whole boat load of nieces ( okay, one niece) and nephews who are growing up and turning into really cool kids and adults. I could go on and on, but anyone who has a great supportive family knows what I am talking about. I love them all...bottom line.

3. Keith who can keep me calm when I am upset, mad, or just worried. The one who holds me all night long and has shown me passion, love, friendship, and so much more. Everything that I have never been able to feel...he has opened my eyes up to. As much as this relationship was black-balled and "doomed" so to speak, it has turned out to be an amazing thing for both of us. I was once told by someone, "go talk to Keith, he is your best friend now!" Ha, actually.. he knows more about me than anyone ever has... funny how life works. We always tell eachother, that love is nothing without being best friends. ( that and the boy can crack my shit up...always a plus! )

4.Friends..that could be a loaded one, but I am talking about my friends who accept me for who I am on a daily basis. Ones that I have been able to call up and say, "I fucked up" and they say, "shame on you, but I am your friend.." Teresa, wow, if ANYONE has taught me anything about friendship, it has been her! I had to call her one day and tell her about something horrible. She actually ended the conversation by saying, "you know I love you, and I am here for you". Talk about a stand-up person. She has never said a bad word about anyone who I don't care for. She doesn't pick sides and she offers some of the best advice ever...even if I don't take it! Lacie has come back into my life over the past 6-7 months and she is the one who has shown me that no matter who I hurt, who hurts me, that I can still ask for forgiveness and have faith, oh and that we aren't all perfect. Lacie has me and the kids over for sleepovers and her and I have some of our best conversations over bottles of Dos Equis and wine. Wow, another friend with a true heart. Again, she is one that knows my past and I have had to tell her about not so great things, and again she ends the conversation in "you know I luv ya!". There are some more who I could go on and on about, but all I know is that I love all my friends.

5. My job, which even though I bitch about, is like another family to me. My fellow employees drove over an hour to show their support at my dad's service and called every day to check on me.

I guess the one thing that doens't really have a # is my faith...I mean, I don't go to church on a regular basis, I tend to make mistakes over and over again, yet I know I haven't been forgotten. It is hard to believe at times as I have questioned Him over and over again. I have wondered how much more I could have on my shoulders, yet every morning I wake up and keep walking on, so I guess he has faith that I can get through this.

I have had to deal with divorce, death, loss ( not talking about death on this one ), trying to be a single mom, opening myself up to another person ( which I swore I would NEVER do again) and so much more. I am not bitter about having to deal with this anymore. I mean why? All the important things in my life ( listed above ) is what gets me through everything...I think that is the most important thing for me to remember.

So, today I am happy. I am content. I am not sad, bitter, angry, worried, or upset today. Today is a day I will smile.

Finding peace...

Today is the first day since December 16th that I have woken up and felt an ounce of peace in my heart. Not sure what caused it really. Last night I was up until about two or three in the morning trying to process everything that has happened to me in the past five months. I have had the mentality that I was given more than I could handle. I have spent the past month running away from everything. I am not talking about just my Dad, but about the divorce as well. I have heard the phrase "everything happens for a reason" too many times to count and truthfully had gotten sick and tired of hearing it. Last night I stopped and faced everything head on. It hurt, oh man did it hurt. Losing my Dad hurts the most, how can it not? However, I have to believe that he is the one giving me strength to carry on with life. He is the one with his hand on my shoulder as I stand strong in the divorce and fight for my happiness. As for the divorce, well out of respect for my kids the only I will say is that I hope things can be settled and finalized as soon as possible. I think everyone just wants to move on with life.
That leads me to the next thing...through all the heartaches and headaches there have been a few things that fill my heart with joy. The first is my kids. Really, how can you not smile when a snaggle toothed seven year old rushes to give you a hug the minute you walk through the door? How can I not feel warmth in my heart to see a little girl carrying a possum around her neck 24/7? Things haven't been easy on them. I can see that. We all can...at least if you are a part of their life you can. However, I do have to say that EVERY person in their lives have shown them so much love and compassion. I am grateful that my kids are lucky enough to have people who love them so much.
There is another person who has come into my life who has managed to break down every wall that I have ever built up around my heart. No one has been able to do that so far in my life. That relationship is very personal so I will just say that he fills my life with so much happiness and love. NEVER in a million years did I think I would find that. I guess everything does happen for a reason.
So like I said last night as I was thinking about all of this I did exactly what I needed to do. I cried for my Dad but smiled through the tears knowing that he will never leave my side now. I cried for my kids having to cope with the divorce, but smiled through even those tears knowing they are being given so much love right now. I cried at the thought of finally being able to be myself and open my heart up to another person, and again I smiled through those tears feeling nothing but happiness by having this person in my life.
Is everything okay? No. Is every day going to feel peaceful? No. However, it is a step in the right direction. It is a realization that life does go on, good or bad, happy or sad. It is one day that I needed of peace in my heart that makes me know that one day everything is going to good again.

Life keeps going on....

Yep, it has been awhile since I have updated. It was too hard to do it before. It is still hard, but I have learned some things in the past week.

On Monday January 7th my father passed away. Almost 3 weeks to the day of when he had his heart attack. I woke up at 4 in the morning that monday and I knew it was going to be my Dad's last day. Just something in my heart told me so. When my mom told me I was driving. The day was already overcast, but at that moment the sky opened up and started pouring. That was like my heart. For the past three weeks I had shut down. I had shut almost everyone out. I was so angry, scared and bitter that I couldn't begin to face the emotion of being sad. That night I turned to my family and we held eachother. For that instant, that day, they were the only people in the world who felt as much pain as I did. My mother lost her life partner and me and my sisters lost our father. No one prepares you in life for that kind of pain. I finally let myself hurt on the outside instead of just the inside. I let my family see me hurt and I held them as I let them hold me. That day, that feeling, that everything will never escape me.

We had a memorial service for my dad on Friday the 11th. Friends who I hadn't seen in years were there. One of my friends from highschool, who I haven't seen in years, but who grew up with me knowing my Dad came. That meant a lot. Friends who have been calling and talking to me everyday even when they knew I wasn't ready to open up or feel anything yet were there. Lacie and Teresa have been amazing through all of this. Talk about knowing that people really do care. Teresa was the last of my friends to pass by me at the end. I just cried as we hugged because I knew it was okay to be sad and it was okay to lean on people when I just wasn't strong enough at that moment. Besides my family, ( who I can't even put into words the amount of love and strength they have all provided ) there has been one person who has had open arms since the day of the heart attack. Keith has been the pair of arms who has held me in the middle of the night when I fall apart and who has wiped away most of my tears. My Dad didn't get to know him, but I know he is in heaven, happy that I have found the person who makes me smile and love from the inside out.

The days leading up to the memorial service were amazing. At first I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through, but I learned an important life lesson last week. Friends and family help the pain. My mom, sisters, and I spent a good part of last week going through old pictures of my Dad, which of course led to lots of stories. I created a DVD with pictures and music and my sisters worked together to make three beautiful picture boards of my Dad's life. We talked about weddings, births, and just funny "dad" stories. On Thursday night Andi and I went to a mexican restaurant for a few drinks. As we sat there talking about Dad and life in general we cried. Yep, in the middle of this restaurant we sat there with tears in our eyes and it was okay. It was okay to be sad together, okay to laugh together, and it was okay to know that we have to move on with life.

As my mom and I talked about things we need to do, etc... last night I realized that life has to keep going. Through the pain and sadness, life doesn't stop or slow down. I still have to wake up, go to work, pay the bills, be a mom and do this thing called life. We all do. At least I know that with every step I take, heck for that matter for every step my mom, sisters, kids, neices, and nephews take... there will be one set of footprints following... my Dads. How amazing is that?
I am going to miss him more than I can fathom. There are going to be days in my life where it is going to physically hurt not having him there. There are going to be days where I have big decisions to make and I am going to want his opinions. I will have to do the only thing I know to do...close my eyes and know that he is there. As my life goes on so does his, in my heart.

An update I guess...

I figured I would post an update although there really isn't much to tell.

My dad is still in ICU. Things are still very up in the air. I just talked to my mom and she did tell me that when his feet are messed with that he has started pulling up his feet a little bit. It is unvoluntary movement, but at least it is something. He will take anything right now. He still is not responding to pain, sounds, voices, etc...

The neurologist saw him last night and ordered a whole battery of tests for today. Who knows when we will get the answers on them. I am not losing hope. I am hoping that come Christmas morning that he will be alert enough for us to visit him and celebrate with him.

I think everything finally hit me this morning. Up until now I have been pretty numb and shocked. I would have moments where I was okay and moments where I wasn't. Today has been a nightmare. I woke up feeling like my heart had cracked in half. Seriously, knowing that your father is that sick and there is not a damn thing you can do about it hurts more than anyone can imagine. ( unless they have already gone through it ). I keep replaying the events in my head. I keep having a a lot of what if's and maybe's play in my mind. No one was prepared for this. No one saw it coming. We are all still trying to figure out how to process it all.

Keep my dad in your prayers. We will take all we can get right now.

How do I do this???

How do I process this...

Today my father had a massive heart attack. He was without pulse for forty-five minutes and is now in the ICU fighting for his life. Surgery was performed to unblock the blocked artery, but we will know nothing for the next 24-36 hours.

What do I do? This is my father. I am his baby girl. He has to be okay. He can't not be okay. I don't even have words. I haven't blogged in forever, but I don't know what else to do. I thought I had experienced sadness and heartache, but today I learned I was wrong. The fear that I would lose him and the fact that we almost did made me realize what true pain is. He is my father for crying out loud!!! He is supposed to be here to see my kids grow. He is supposed to yell at me when I make the wrong decisions!! He is supposed to hug me and worry about me when everything in my world is spinning. He is supposed to smile and laugh at me as I find happiness and love. He is not allowed to not be there. He can't not be there !!!!
He is my dad, he is my kids Pepa. Their Pepa, their one and only. Rae is his Katie Kid and Ry is...well anyone that knows Ry and my dad, they have a bond that only they understand. Him and my kids have their own inside jokes. He takes them to the dollar store, gives them cookies and sugar behind my back, and scolds them only to apologize to them when he sees their tears. I'll be damned if the last memory my kids have of him is him being on a stretcher with the paramedics around him !!! He has to fight and he has to be okay. He has to watch them grow!! He can't not be here!

Reflections...

I haven't posted a blog in a long time. Probably because so much has happened in my life that has left me speechless. That and everytime I did post something on here somone took it upon themselves to send me nasty anonymous posts. Anyway, so over the past few weeks/months I feel like I have been watching my life spin and twirl from outside of my body. I have been brought back into touch with life and reality with a lot that has happened in the past few weeks.

First I found out that there was a chance that Chris was going to start a new job in Colorado. Deep down I didn't think it would happen, but it did. Ry and Rae have about a week left with him here. My heart breaks for them. They will only see their dad around 24 days in the next year and that thought...well it brings tears to my eyes. One thing I can say is that Chris is a good father and it is a shame that he will miss so much of the next year. Ry is my little soldier who has been so strong through all of this right now but he has also had his Dad there for him whenever he needed him. I know deep down that Ry will be okay but it is going to be very hard on him. I try to be the best mother I can be, but let's face it I am not a father. As for Rae, I just see her getting even more clingy. My Dad is there for her and she seems to be bonding with him more and more as the days go by. She is already a mamma's girl and has become even more so lately. Anyway, the next year is going to be a test for me. I have to make it through. I don't have a choice. Learning to stand on my two feet has been empowering and scary as hell.

Then on top of all this I lost a very important person in my life. Actually it might be two. That is just a waiting game. I am not going into details of anything on here involving that but lets just say I love this person more than I can ever imagine and not having that person there...well a part of me is empty now. If I lose the other person...well I don't know.

On a good note there are people that have come into my life when I least expected it. I am finally feeling alive and awake in life. Through all the heartbreak, disappointment, loss and everything else it is nice to know there is hope that life does go on. I am certain that I can still get close to another person and not be scared to take a leap of faith. Now don't go reading into this last paragraph. No one knows ( okay okay T and L know ) some of what is going on right now. However, it will not come out on here. I just,..I don't know.... am living life and going with the flow of everything that comes my way.

With all of this being said I have made mistakes ( some really really bad mistakes and some that are a whoops kind of mistake), I have said things I shouldn't, I have jumped to conclusions, and I have done things out of character to myself. I am not perfect. I will never claim to be. I am just me right now and I am trying to learn what that means. Some things that have happened caused me to hold a mirror up to my life and have really made me realize that it was time to get back to being Jill instead of the person that I had turned in to.

So, there it is. That is my update. Maybe in a couple of weeks I will have some better news. Right now I am optimistic and looking forward to the days as they come.

to answer your question...

i had someone send me an "anonymous" question on my last post that said,

"so when is the blog address going to change to www.mammadearing.blogspot.com?"

First off, if you are going to send me an "anonymous" question, then grow a pair and use your real name. I was not born yesterday. Only a handful of people know my maiden name. So, the anonymous part is kind of pointless considering it can only be a handful of people.

Second off, I am NOT changing my name. Everything I have is under my married name including my SS#, DL and all that stuff. NO ONE can force me to change it PERIOD!

Third, if you have a problem with my blog then DON'T read it. I was upset that day and my blog is my place to vent. Good thing I haven't vented this week considering the events that have occurred. God only knows what sort of anonymous posts I would be getting then.

I could go on and on, but luckily it is time to leave work.

You're kidding me right???

Okay, I know I haven't blogged in awhile and while I promised happy blogs, this is not one !! I am blogging right now cause I am irritated, disappointed, and a few other things. Okay...kids... ummm,you have them and they are your responsibility right???? RIGHT !!!! Can you please explain to me why it is so easy for a parent to say, " I'm sorry I just can't take them tonight". You have got to be kidding me!! All I know is that I only get to see my kids 50% ( okay, well it is A LOT more than that these days!!! ) of the time. If I was not able to see them for days on end I would certainly make an effort to do so!! It is not the mother's job to make sure the children talk to the father and tell them goodnight every night. However, it is my job to explain why they aren't going to Daddy's ( yet again) and explain why he doesn't call one night to tell them goodnight or any other things that they might ask. Please don't tell me that he is going to become "that" father. Please tell me that he meant it when he said that he was going to miss seeing them everyday. Right now I am having a very hard time believing it! Can you please explain to me why they have to be put on the back burner behind other important things? I am sorry, are you seeing the fire come flaming out of my mouth yet? Yes!! I am spitting fire mad right now. This is my place to vent so I am doing just that so that when I do have to see my kids tonight at least I know that at least ONE person is there and consistent. Ugh... please tell me the pumpkin patch this weekend will cheer me up!! It will won't it? Oh wait, lots of screaming and yelling kids..nope probably not !!! However, being with Rae and Ry and having a blast this weekend will be worth it all !!

a few little updates...

Hmmm, where to start.

-The Legends are still on top in the Fall 07' Spring Klein season. As of Saturday we are 8-0. Yep, I think the legends are going to sweep the league. We have seen some amazing games this season, but we are bracing ourselves for our first tournament this weekend. I am nervous and excited for the boys. It will be an all weekend affair. I can't wait !!!

-I am still packing the house. I will be moving on Friday. There will be a lot of life changes, but in the end I know I have made the right decision. This will allow me to get back on my feet and to be in a positive financial situation. ( that is ALWAYS a good thing!! )

-As crazy as life has been I am really enjoying it and having fun. I have met so many new people. I have been laughing and smiling a lot and I owe that to my friends. They have been good at keeping my mind off of everything.

Oh...ummmm, did you see my ticker lately??? 70 days til Christmas? Are you freakin kidding me??????? Ack!!!!! Ry is easy for Christmas, but I have NO CLUE what to get chica!! I will have to brainstorm hard on that one!

oh oh oh oh...you have to check out a new artist that I have found. Her name is Colbie Caillat and her music is AMAZING!!!! I wish I could figure out a way to post a song...hmmm, I might need to go do some searching on this one...stay tuned!!

I did it !!! I added music to my blog!! Enjoy :)

Please let me explain...

I feel really bad for not updating my blog as often as I used to. Honestly, it is kind of hard to post anything these days. I don't like to post unhappy things and definitely not personal things. Well, it seems that 99% of the stuff going on in my life is very personal and often times sad. Why do you think I always blog about baseball? It is my release and a way to escape my world for those two hours. My emotions are raw these days. I have never felt more empowerment and loss at the same time. While everything as I know it has changed one thing has remained constant. That is the love for my children, family, and friends. As the world spins around me these loved ones in my life seem to be able to reach in and keep me from spinning out of control with it. Sometimes you take people like this for granted and I will never take these amazing beings for granted ever again. So, as you see things are complicated....life is complicated. I am excited to have a fresh start. I am excited to look into my future and know that I am in control of my destiny. I am in control of my heart. I am in control of myself finally. That is an amazing, yet very scary feeling. For once in my life I am not relying on someone else to make me happy. What a journey I am on!

As for the kids, they are doing good. Ry has been behaving in school and Rae has actually been in a great mood ! We will be moving in the next week. Ry will start a new school, and he is actually excited about this possibility. Rae will beleaving her preschool and she will start a new mother's day out program that is only a few days a week. I however will be driving over an hour an a half to and from work.....sigh... oh well..it is only time right? I CAN do this !! ( that will have to be my mantra over the next six months !! )

Once things are settled I am sure I will have happier posts and the frequency of them will increase. Until then, I apologize in advance for the lack of communication here !!!

Bad blogger...bad!!

I know...I know!!! I have been HORRIBLE about updating my blog!! OKay, so a few things have happened.

1st- I had a parent teacher conference with Ry's teacher. I usually cringe when it comes to those damn things. I have NEVER had a good one ever with him. Anyway, the teacher calls me today and I wanted to cry over the phone. First off, Ry is reading at a second grade level. At the end of Kinder he was reading on a K level. She said she has seen a huge jump in his language skills. He is learning and picking up on grammar rules faster than she can teach him. His math is also at a second grade level !! She is going to start giving him some advanced work. He has A's in social studies and science. Plus....are you ready for this.....????? She has had NO behavior problems with him in the past 2 1/2- 3 weeks. She said he has become a totally different student. She said he is not angry anymore and has started coming out of his shell. She said he is happy and smiles all the time. Do you know how much this means to me??????? I am soooo proud and can't wait to hug him today at the baseball game!

2nd- The legends are still on their dominating streak!! They are 7-0 and defeated their toughest competitors this weekend. I think the score was 18-4. The legends defense was unstoppable this weekend!!

3rd- I am not blogging much b/c I am trying to get everything situated and packed up at the house. Every night I will be packing/cleaning, etc... The kids were with Chris this weekend ( and man did I miss them !! ) and I should have done more, but I almost needed a weekend to detox from the drama you know? I am rejuvinated and ready to tackle my obstacles.

Other than that life is the same as usual. Rae is some ole Rae !! LOL

We have another game tonight so I will hopefully update that soon !! Here are a couple of pics from the game on Saturday.

preparing for little league domination...

LOL, okay not really, but I thought that sounded pretty cool. Our boys are now 6-0. There was another game last night and they won 21-10. We play our toughest opponents on Saturday morning. It will prove to be a challenging game. However, I truly believe that our little Legends will dominate.

Okay, so this week has been pretty laid back. Ry was on green yesterday which is good. He also got 100% on his spelling test !! woo hoo !! If I teach the child anything in life it is that proper grammar and spelling is essential. It drives me crazy when people do not know the proper way to use to/two/too, their/there, and your/you're. I know I learned the difference between all these words when I was in elementary school. I always wonder if people were absent the day those words were taught. Anyhoo, I asked Ryan about his day and he said that Emily ( aka the bad seed) was teasing him again. I asked him what he did. Ry said he rolled his eyes (oh yes, he is his mother !! ) and walked away. I asked him why he just walked away and he said it was because if he said something back to her then he would have gotten in trouble. He said it is easier to ignore her. Jackpot !!!! Wow, this is a lesson I have been trying to teach him for years it seems. I then took the time to explain that not everyone is going to be nice to him and not everyone is going to like him and that is why it is so important that we have our friends. So Ry had a great day at school and a great day at baseball.

As for Rae, well we are still in drama queen overload. She can't do anything without there being some form of whining or drama involved. What to do....what to do... This is going to be a learning experience with her !!

As for me, well I am doing good. Sash came over last night and we talked and hung until about 10:30. I love that girl !! Well, time to get back to work. We are going over the Teresa's tonight for dinner...yummy !!! ( T is a good cook and well I am not cooking much these days !! LOL )

wait...wait... I meant to post a pic of Ry playing catcher from the Monday night game (I didn't take pics last night )