A lot ot say...

Okay, so last night I go to jump in the shower about 9:00. I wash my face, get undressed and ugh... sometimes I really hate what stares back at me in the mirror. Don't we all at times? So, I get in the shower and I start thinking that instead of disliking what I see that maybe I should look at it in a different light. So I want that super tight flat stomach right? Well, I would probably have one had I not had my two kids and we all know I wouldn't change that in for the world. I would love to have nice perky C cups, and I could afford to get those if I didn't have to pay 1000K a month in childcare. Would I change that? I wish I could change the high childcare part, but I know it is a part of how we run our family. I would love to have super tight non- cellulite legs, but I know that I am 28 years old and it comes with the territory in my family. The little stretch marks on the side of my hips... well those are my battle wounds from my pregnancies. That reminds me that I once had life inside of me and that I nourished and protected my innocent children until they were strong enough to make it in this world.

I am still not 100% happpy with my body and if anybody knows me they know I never will be. Some people have alcohol addictions, gambling addictions, etc... and I forever will have food and body issues. I have learned to deal with them through the years, but I don't know if I will ever have a "normal" relationship with food. I eat healthy, stay active and give myself a treat now and then and I do this because I know I have to. I know that all it would take is one huge step backwards and I would go spiraling back into old way. My life is so crazy hectic that I would love to have that control over my life, but I know for myself, friends, family, husband and mainly my kids that I cannot and will not ever do that.

That is why I think it is a harder for me to love my body. I love my inner self. I really do. I think that I have amazing compassion for people and for life in general. I have a short fuse and I still throw a tantrum here and there, but generally I am a great person. I hold all my friends on pedestals. I love my husband dearly. I hold my family so close to my heart and would do anything for my parents, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc... I would die for my kids. Those two beings are my world. Without them I don't know if I could love myself. I think it took those two souls to finally complete mine. But like I said, I love the person that I am. I am forgiving when I have been mad. I think I give great advice and I will just listen when that is all I need to do. I think I have a sense of humor that has evolved over the years and I just love the feeling of a good deep belly laugh !! I will continue to work on loving the outer self. To all my friends and family who read this blog, thank you for helping me accomplish and work towards that goal !!