Time to myself...

Sometimes I just need some time to myself. Last night Ry had baseball practice and while I was sitting there reading my book ( yet another Jodi Picoult book )I had this overwhelming urge that I needed to get the hell out of there and be by myself. There was no reason for it, but I just needed to get away. Ry was practicing, Rae was running around and I really just needed some peace and quiet. Once Chris got there I quickly packed up my stuff and headed to the gym. I already had my work-out clothes with me so I quickly changed and hit the machines.

There is something about being in the zone, feeling sweat drip down your body and letting all the thoughts of the day go with each step on the elliptical. As I focus on the words of the book I am reading I find myself engrossed in another world, in someone elses life and for a little bit, I escape. ( not that I am escaping from anything bad, but we all need a break every now and then ). As my heart beats faster and faster I put the book down and deal with the emotions and bullshit of the day. Sometimes it is processing happiness, other times it is processing stress. Whatever the case may be for some reason the gym is like therapy for me. Especially when I go alone. As I make my way over to the recumbant bike ( because my knee is throbbing, thank you drill-team...ugh) I sit down and start pedaling as fast as my legs will go. My legs are burning and with each cycle I want to stop, but I know I have to keep going and going. That is the way life is you know? Sometimes you want it to stop for a few minutes so you can catch your breath, but we all know that isn't possible. I close my eyes and start processing all my thoughts. I sort out the things that need done at work, home, etc... I plan out a make-shift schedule of the week so I am not frantically trying to get the kids from here to there and so that I can try to get a grip on my scatterbrainedness. ( is that a word? ) When my time is up on the bike I stop and slowly stand up. My legs are shaking and room is slightly spinning. I love this feeling. Why? I don't know, but I have always loved that feeling of having everything drained from me. I take a drink of water and head over to the machines/weights. I work on my problem area...my legs... ack, it is not as easy to get my legs skinny as it was in highschool, damn getting old is hard sometimes. I climb onto one of the machines and as I am doing leg presses my muscles feel like they are on fire. My legs begin shaking and again I close my eyes and put my head back and enjoy the burn. Eventually I am done with my work-out. I feel like a new person. I am ready to go home and leave behind anything that was bothering me, stressing me out, or embrace the thing that is making me happy.

When I got home last night the kids were fed, showered and already in bed. Chris did good. It was a good night. No, not that I don't want to see my kids at night, but I feed them, give them a shower, and put them to bed the majority of the time so having a night off was nice. I wasn't totally off the hook though. At 1 in the morning Rae came to my room. I was exhausted and couldn't even have the middle of the night battle with her. Therefore, she won and got to sleep with me. Yep, I was weak last night !!!

Anyway, so that was my night last night. I will probably go back to the gym tonight. It is Wednesday and I don't have much else going on. The kids can play in the kid area while I do a rinse and repeat of last night. This gym membership is much cheaper than therapy I tell you !!